So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
