saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
