smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
