I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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