Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
