It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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