You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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