you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
