I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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