Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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