So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
