You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
