omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
