just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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