lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
