My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need a beard to bite.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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