well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
