It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
