well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
