what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
high people should be assigned attendants
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
