Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she pinky promised me she was 18
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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