it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
