She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize