don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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