Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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