I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
