i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
