she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
