You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
