I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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