Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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