I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
