i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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