Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My life is pants optional.
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