If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
