if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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