I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
