id be glad to
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
