I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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