i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
