There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
