My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize