listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
