nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
