Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
