so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
