Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize