Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
