I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
