you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
