gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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