Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
