whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
