Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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