You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've blown a few things in my day
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
