I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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