i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
