What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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