He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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