we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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