maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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