Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
