Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There r osticjed everywhere
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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