I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
