Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
