we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
